111. COVID-Weary Minds

Tuesday November 10 2020

Ok y’all, here’s an exercise for your covid-weary mind.

[calming voice] Try to clear your thoughts for a moment. Set aside all your worries and stress. Close your eyes and let’s do a few deep breaths, just concentrating on the air moving in [pause] and out.

[back to me talking] Alrighty, all cleansed and refreshed? Well, good for you. You’re doing better than me. But that’s not the point.

I want you to look at this image. Think back to where you were, say, a year ago. If someone slapped this graphic on the desk in front of you and asked you to explain it, could you?

Would your first thought be around medical professionals? But look, nobody’s really in scrubs, are they? So are they wearing masks or is that … duct tape? And they all seem pretty relaxed about things for people with no eyes, especially the chick on the far right who’s started to levitate. And you, third guy from the right, what exactly are you gaping at, mister? Her mask is up here, buddy.

You can find the full graphic here, available for downloading, courtesy of Ohio’s COVID-19 website.

Seriously, though. Remember last November, when everybody was slouched in Mom’s living room processing a collective postprandial turkey dinner slump and cousin Eddie said:

“Y’all know now [bleerph], this will be the last Thanksgiving we’ll have for a few, cuz the gub’ment’s gonna make us stay home next year. Oh yeah, I hear they’ll make us cover our faces all the time. That’s ok, though. I’m getting Cathy a burka for Christmas. Been waiting for this for years, bwahahaha [snort]”

You’d just top off his glass of Wild Turkey and laugh right along, right? Oh, that cousin Eddie. He hasn’t been right since the aliens brought him back.  

Yet here we are. Not so funny now, is it?

[calming voice] Deep … breaths.

I don’t want to be that person, but you know there’s more than ten people gathered here, don’t you Ohio? And they’re not even pretending to social distance. Actually, I’m pretty confident that the chick with the purple hair can feel that dude’s breath on the back of her neck.

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