53. Hey, girl

Tuesday July 7 2020

There’s this thing that young woman encounter, which comes from older men. The typical age difference is daughter vs. father, although the two don’t know each other.

Smile,” the man commands the young woman. He leans in closer as he says it.

You’d be prettier if you smiled.

Do men still do this? Do they even dare anymore? I haven’t had it said to my resting bitch face in years, but did have many uncomfortable interactions with this bullshit when I was young and cute.

It was certainly pervy then and today woman declare it as a type of sexual harassment, similar to a wolf whistle. “You’d be prettier if you smiled.”  Gads.

Well, here in the United States of Ohio, we’ve got you covered, girls. So to speak.

About an hour ago, Governor DeWine announced a mandatory face mask order for seven Ohio counties where the coronavirus is spreading most rapidly.

“We are seeing a serious situation,” DeWine said, not talking about asking women to smile. “We have to take action.”

So we now have a map that rates each county by it’s danger level, not that the virus respects county lines. One might think red represents the highest level of criticality, as we’ve learned our entire lives. Yet purple gets that distinction. I don’t know what happens if or when a county reaches Level Purple, but I’m confident there will be a toilet paper shortage.

I admit I don’t understand why our own Montgomery County is in the red, though. Why us? Dayton is not the largest city in Ohio nor has the densest population epicenter. We do have the honor of being ground zero for the opioid epidemic, but I can’t believe that’s the connection.

Alternatively, if we can get the case load down to orange or yellow, the mandatory mask order is lifted and we’ll have enough paper goods to go around.

While we’re marked with a scarlet letter, here’s what the government has decided for the likes of us.

Three simple Code Red rules, that could be summarized into one, really. Leaving your house? Wear a mask.

Not as harsh as Code Purple, though. That one is down to five words. Hope you bought toilet paper.


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