12. Dreams of falling

Wednesday April 15 2020

It’s said that if you’re falling in a dream, you’ll wake up before you hit the ground and die. Or instead you might move onto another dream. A recurring theme I have in my dreams shows up when I feel like life is out of my control. I’ll encounter a series of events that I can’t finish, destinations I can’t reach, buffets of food I can’t eat.  In last night’s dream, I made a promise to some kid that I’d get him to a school costume party at what should have been a nearby town. But first, this kid goes into a car parked on the street, the car is being used as storage. The kid falls into the mess and clutter of boxes and detritus and has to be rescued before he suffocates. To do this, I had to empty all the contents into the street, then promise the owner I’d return and replace everything where it was. It felt like an impossible task at the end of a long night and I dreaded it. Countless things keep me from getting this kid to his party, with each passing minute I feel more despair at my certain failure.

But where this dream ended, I was driving a van with my two yellow dogs in the back. I keep missing my exit on a mountain highway and keep retrying like a video game reset. Eventually whatever GPS I’m using is now a display on the windshield. I can no longer see the road and I feel the van leave the mountainside and begin a long fall straight down. I apologize to the dogs, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and we hit. A display on the windshield shows stats and text. Too young for death, it says. On the next line, not old enough to die. The fates have decided that it’s not my time. But I’m not alive, I can see blood splatter outside the open door of the van. I don’t understand what my physical or spiritual state currently is, but I do know I’ve missed that goddamned exit again. And that was the end of that dream.

Still in a blue mood today and have low energy. My brain feels sluggish. I’m not sure how to lift things. Tomorrow, I’m going to start the day by making a list of projects, phone calls, puppy training, and housework I’m behind on. Sometimes when I get like this, checking things off as they get done helps with an attitude boost.

Listening to Governor DeWine and Dr. Amy Acton, they feel that we’ve been successful in flattening the curve in Ohio and we’re now on a plateau. They say there will be no spike in new cases, so long as we continue the social distancing plan. At some point, we’ll start the downside on the curve.

Others say we can expect a second wave COVID-19 wave to come through, probably in the summer, but certainly in the fall when we’ve lifted the bans on community events. Maybe not as bad since some people will have an immunity to the virus, but what about the millions who have been isolating. They didn’t get an exposure to build an immunity. I feel pretty strongly that the people of planet Earth are going to experience a new way of living and we’ll never again see the Normal that we had a month ago.

My boss at Braughler told me on Monday that he lost power at his house, which of course took down his internet access. Before if something like this happened, you could pack up your laptop and head to a coffee house or restaurant with wifi. This time, he was grounded. No fix until the power came back on.

And that’s how every little life challenge becomes something different during an unprecedented time as this.


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